Friday, June 30, 2006

Late Night Musings

Friday night and date night is over. I've tucked my hubby in for the evening - he fades long before I do. Great Vietnamese food and some quiet time away from the kids. My son is making chocolate chip cookies just for us and I'll check out the t.v. schedule for something to wind down by.

How much of this keeping the right attitude is just whistling past the graveyard? The temptation these days is to be negative and whine - that can't be good. But how can this patience thing be good for me? Doesn't this world need impatient people as well? I mean, really. If everyone were patient, who would go first at the 4-way stop? I think the person in the Bible I am most like is Jacob. Not a ringing endorsement. I wrestle with God all the time and have a tendency toward manipulation. Not really a control freak, just assisting with the gifts I've been given, right? ARGH, I offend myself. When will I become Israel and not Jacob!?!

Timing - God's and Mine

Well, I had read my friend Sarah's blog and commented on her Thursday Thirteen of Thankfulness. How I needed to be more thankful, yada, yada, yada. No, I did mean it, but don't we all say things like that and then move on? Just a few short hours later, my husband gives me some news that absolutely yanks the rug out from under me. Wow! I mean it seemed like things were finally falling into place on our move to Tulsa and then what we thought was His provision evaporated like nail polish remover. Stunned silence, then tears, then extreme irritability as our 13 yr. old son let the two stupidest dogs known to mankind escape the yard and head to points unknown. Since our house is absolutely overrun with people, I had to escape to even think straight.

Yes we found the dogs - rah.

So I hopped into the minivan with the smartest dog known to mankind and hit the road to talk it out with God. Struggling valiantly to maintain a right attitude, I committed to seeing Him as my source, and not those who had just withdrawn from the picture. How faithful is God? What came to mind was the classic and never-fails-to-bring-tears song "Praise the Lord" by the Imperials. I sang it to myself and Joe (curled up in the passenger's seat) and headed to Long John Silver's for some comfort grease. "When you're up against a struggle, that shatters all your dreams. And your hopes have been cruelly crushed by Satan's manifested schemes. When you feel the urge within you to submit to earthly fears. Don't let the faith you're standing in seem to disappear. Praise the Lord." O.K. I get it.

So here are my Thursday Thirteen:
1. Even when we are faithless - God is faithful. He considers my weakness and sends me comfort in my despair. He lets me be angry with Him and waits for me to humble myself and lay down my "rights" for His plan.
2. Joe - the greatest dog ever. 'nuf said.
3. Chocolate - surely God's manifest presence in time of need. I hope that's not disrespectful.
4. Diet Coke - I never thought I'd like it, but now I'm hooked.
5. My son who fixes me a Diet Coke, just the way I like it, because he can tell I need some lovin'. Also he rubs my poor diabetic feet almost nightly. Truly makes up for the 13 yr. old arguing.
6. My husband who told me he wrote down all his negative feelings about this "revoltin' development" and then threw them away. Amazing progress for this man and a real encouragement to me. I'll tell you about it sometime.
7. The Internet - I couldn't wait for the kids to vacate so I could get all this out of my system. I might actually sleep tonite.
8. My 17 yr. old daughter who regularly makes brownies - from scratch! - for me. She has an amazing secret recipe that soothes every stress.
9. Music - I do counseling, I am a singer. It is the expression of every emotion I have and I have an encyclopedic catalog of songs that never fails to produce just the right vehicle for those emotions. I'll sing for you at the drop of a hat, or even a few flakes of dandruff.
10. My 20 yr. old daughter - even though we are struggling through a tough transition time.
11. MomTime. What a godsend these women have been to me! I am amazed that they allow me to be a part of this group of incredible women. I just hope that my comic relief is sufficient to keep my place at the table and the board games.
12. Solitaire - multiple forms that keep the OCD in check.
13. Bathtubs and Escape Literature - I just finished my book and am casting about for something else to read. And yes, I am caught up on my Bible reading - It's a Miracle!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Jumping into the deep end

Don't know if anyone will read this. I really don't journal, but I love the computer so perhaps I'll be more faithful to this. I'm very frustrated today. Let my checkbook get out of hand. Again. Just because I hate putting my stuff in. I think my pastor would call this an iniquity. Still obsessing about finding a job in Tulsa, getting the house ready to sell, etc., etc., etc. Wow, what a whiner! I'll have to explain my title. On "Inside the Actor's Studio," a show I just love about the craft of acting, the interviewer closes with the question, "If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?" Now, I've thought through my answers carefully, as if I'll ever be on that show, and have decided that what I'd like to hear God say is,"You crack me up!" Not very mature or spiritual, huh? What can I say? I tend to be a very serious person, but there's nothing I like more than making people laugh and laughing so hard myself that I cry, wet my pants, snort, and go into that silent wheezy laughter that is so much fun to watch on someone else. I'm so blessed that I get to go to family church camp every summer, stay up horribly late every night, and laugh just like that. It's so cleansing! Now, just thinking about that has lifted my spirits considerably. Camp is mid-July (IN TEXAS!) and I'm just trusting the Lord for the provision of finances for it. Again with the finances. EEK! If I talk about it again I'll lose the lift. Hasta la vista, Baby!