Saturday, September 30, 2006

The rest of the story

O.k. well I'm at home for just a couple of days and I finally got through to blogger. I didn't even know it posted my last entry because it erased me twice. Come to find out it cut some off, so I'll finish that up.

The house we are looking to lease/purchase will not be available until the first of January. The couple that owns it is moving to Africa to train pastors and won't be leaving until then. So we need a place for 2-3 months until that works out.

The update is, I got a call yesterday afternoon from the owner of the house I'm in. She decided that she needed to work on the house without occupants. I have until next weekend to find a place. I spent most of the ride home trying not to throw up from the stress. Any ideas folks? You'd think I'd have my sea legs by now wouldn't you?

The rollercoaster this week also included this event. After I got my first paycheck and my husband paid bills, we had like $20 to make it the next two weeks. That meant I would not make it home for my son's 14th birthday. When he found this out he called me sobbing! Another weepy day at work. I was finally able to get some of the email addresses from the folks back home and shared just a bit of what was going on with one of my friends.

He called that evening and said that everyone deserves a good birthday, and he and his wife were paying for my gas to come home! So here I am, trying to figure out what to take back with me and where I'm going to put it anyway. Enjoying my family and praying like crazy.

I appreciate your comments and prayers. This adventure doesn't feel very fun yet.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Weeping may last for the night...but joy comes in the morning

I find myself at my desk weeping. My family has just left to go back home, and though I will be headed there in 4 days, I'm having a hard time. This is the difficult part of walking out God's provision. Doug felt like both interviews went well and we are praying that the job that is NOT 55 hrs/wk. is the one that will work out at a good pay and quick start date. (Cross your fingers and toes for relocation package!)

Let me tell you about the housing God has provided. I spent the first week with my MIL who lives 1/2 mile from my office. She has a 1 bedroom condo and I stayed on the couch. Thought I might stay there until my first paycheck arrived so I could get an apartment. When she found out that would be at the end of three weeks...well, let's just say she was unprepared.

So I called a couple of friends in town. The next day I moved to the pastor's home 25 miles away - they have a MIL's suite that had a bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen/living room with its own entrance. She stocked the frig for me and made dinner in the evening! I can't tell you how much I appreciate this family. Talk about instant in season and out.

I was there for nearly two weeks until I moved to the vacant, but furnished home of a friend's daughter. It was also 25 miles away, but in the other direction. The joy of Tulsa is that at each place it only takes 30 minutes to go those 25 miles in rush hour! This home is awfully cute and is such a blessing. After the stress of the MIL's house, I certainly didn't want to overstay my welcome anywhere. There is room for my older daughter, who is here and looking for a job, and myself. God bless this family as well!

Oh, while at the pastor's home I learned of a house that he was buying that is about 5 miles from my job. He wanted to know if we would be interested in renting or lease/puchase -ing it from him! It is beautiful, much nicer than any home I have lived in since I married. It is also well within our price range. Three blessings for me!

Here's the hitch: The house in which I am currently staying is on the market and is getting a lot of realtor attention. Even if it sold right awa

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Long Time No Blog

Let the praises ring out - I'm Bloggin' Again!

I can't catch everything up today, but I'm gonna start sumpin'. I only have 30 minutes for lunch and I don't have a computer at home, yet.

It's kinda cold and rainy here in the CityPlex Towers (aka The City of Faith) in beautiful South Tulsa. I have been on the job almost 3 weeks, and didn't have a computer at all for the first 2 1/2! Then I had to catch up on everyone's posts since I had been away before I could even think of posting. It was so good to read y'all! I've missed you more than you know.

Speaking of missing, I haven't seen my family since I left and that's mighty hard. They are coming up this weekend because...drumroll please...Doug has 2, yes 2, interviews! And they are bringing the greatest dog in the world with them! My cup runneth over!

About the job - I am a writer in the Editorial Department of Oral Roberts Ministries. I get to read testimonies of God's faithfulness all day. And of course edit them. That's what they pay me for. I have my own office, which is very exciting for me. Payday is tomorrow which is even more exciting because we've all been livin' on fumes since I left. You'd think I'd be thinner by now.

I'll try to blog again tomorrow and let y'all know how the housing situation has progressed. I still can't get my email from home so I'm depending, nay waiting with bated breath, on your posts and comments.

It's good to be back!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

It's 1:31 am on the day that I am leaving and I'm up finishing the laundry so I can take clean clothes to my MIL's house. Feelin' kinda ponderful (yes, that's what I meant to type) so I thought I'd share.

I've had only a few big moves in my life. My first memory is moving to my big house the week before my 3rd birthday. Big excitement and I must have talked a blue streak that day. A couple of house changes within the same town before the next big move - to the dorm at ORU. It was all excitement because I was about to take the world by storm. Only a little sadness to leave friends because I knew I'd be back to visit. Often. The song that I felt was written for me was "I'm Gonna Fly" by Amy Grant. College would be the place where people would finally "get" me. And they did. I felt such a freedom there to be all of me, not just the parts that were acceptible to the particular group or guy I was with. It was o.k. to be smart and I could show that and still date - my favorite pasttime.

The next move was when I got married a couple of years later (comin' up on 23 next month!). Yet again, a happy adventure. My quest for "the man" was over and I could commence with the rest of my goals. I had made friends in Tulsa, home of my first married apartment, and wasn't concerned about leaving home at all. What could go wrong? I had full confidence in the future.

About a year and a half later, we headed back to Texas and it didn't seem like such a big move because I was coming home. We had some adjustment issues like any young couple, but life was still good. I was still ready to conquer the world. During the next 6 mos. during which I had my first child, my husband's fledging faith in the Lord began to unravel. I was too naive to know what was going on and tied up with new baby and postpartum.

The bad move. Work took us off to Oregon for a "temporary" contract job. I. DID. NOT. WANT. TO. GO. At this point I knew things were not all right and the sense of foreboding was tangible. I couldn't get anyone to listen to me. I was trapped. We put our stuff in storage and I packed up my baby and my postpartum and went to the land of no sun, with no transportation of my own. Because this was just "temporary" - 6 weeks at the most - it wasn't necessary to make new friends or a find a church that I would only have to say good-bye to right away. Only, if you'll remember, my motto is everything is better with a buddy or cheese. I don't operate this way. So began the downward spiral of this little family of three into the pits of long term depression. Six weeks turned into, by excruciating slowness of multiple delays, 11 MONTHS! So much damage was done to us, by us, and through us, that it has taken YEARS to recover what was lost in Banana Slugland. We returned to Texas beaten, damaged, wounded. Lost was the innocence of youth and the unquestioning belief that God would lay the path out before us, smooth and clear. We were forever changed by that move and my personal jury is still out on whether the good things that happened through that time (and it took me a long time to even see any good) outweigh the damage.

We have changed homes a few times since then, but have stayed in the same area for the last 19 years. We've done a lot of healing and I can truly say that God is my Redeemer. However, I find myself on the brink of this move - knowing it is what I want and what God wants for me - apprehensive, fearful, confused. Afraid that there lurks in the shadows a Devourer like before. I want to have that 100% confidence that all will be smooth sailing, but I'm not 23 years old and unscarred anymore. My wounds have healed, but the scars remain. There is an aching in times of stress like the aching in my foot (that I broke in college) when it's going to rain. I am excited and sad. Wishing I could just be excited. This total dependence on God messes with my need to control my life. To say that I will never be without an escape again. Having to trust Him when I would rather trust me.

Ultimately I believe this move is about my Redeemer. I believe He wants to redeem my trust in Him and He can only do that through this step of faith that I am taking. I feel like Indiana Jones in the movie where he must step out onto nothingness to save his dad. I am leaving friends and church behind and stepping out into an entirely new season of my life. No net. It's up to the Lord to catch me. I know He is my Redeemer; I'm just a little frightened.

Friday, September 01, 2006

And they're off!

Well, technically it's just me, and I'm actually leaving Sunday, but I don't know if I will get a chance to blog between now and then.

I have just a wee bit of anxiety about this move. I know it is exactly what God has planned, but that doesn't mean it will be easy. I have only lived outside of Dallas/Ft. Worth 3 years of my 43. I've been attending the same church for 21 years with my brother as pastor. I haven't worked full time, except for a couple of temp jobs, in 21 years either. So I have alot of adjusting to do. Not to mention starting off without the DH and DKs, and the best dog in the universe.

My DH has agreed to let me take the van (unairconditioned) so that I will not be completely at the mercy of my MIL. Please pray for rain all the way from DFW to Tulsa on Sunday so that I will survive the trip! I will be spending the first week with my MIL so that might take some prayer as well. After that, I may be getting the first apartment by myself of my entire life. I might finally be a real grownup, or GRUP as we say around here.

I think it will be fun after 2 years of living with 5 other people, packed to the rafters. However, since my motto is "Everything's better with a buddy, or cheese, or both" I'm not sure how I'll function on my own. Oh, did I mention - I won't have a computer, except at work! Guess where I'll be spending my lunch! So, I'll do a little freelance writing and a lot of reading.

We're still believing for financial provision, as we have about $40 to get us to next Friday - not this Friday - all of us. I know God will provide, it's His penchant for waiting till the last minute that is so unsettling. I choose to believe in Him and I will make myself rest in that belief. Help my unbelief!

I have a small shindig/big weepfest scheduled for tomorrow evening with a few friends. I have managed to keep the tears to a minimum, but there's no way I can hold out there. Sunday morning I will say good-bye to a few more, though I will be traveling back about every two weeks until DH finds a job and we sell the house. Then it's off to Tulsa. Thank Heavens for email and cell phones.

Wish me well sweet bloggy friends.