Saturday, December 27, 2008

Twas the two days after Christmas...

And all through the house, debris, flotsam, and jetsam covered many a mouse? Well, so much for post-Christmas poetry. The house is a disaster and my mother-in-law's coming over tonight. So, it's pretty clear what we'll be doing today. Right now the kids are still in bed, so things are pretty quiet.

Rachel and I will be heading down to Texas to see the fam Sunday evening. It should be an interesting mix of good and bad. You see, my mom has finally admitted there might be a problem, and went for some testing for Alzheimers. She will be getting her test results on Monday, and I don't think she's going to like what they have to say. It's been obvious to the family for a long time, but her quack doctor said she was fine. Where can someone find a doctor that actually listens, PAYS ATTENTION, and looks for answers until they are found?!? I can't believe what these guys get away with for the price we pay! MEDIOCRITY!! I think we all know where I stand on this issue now. The problem is, she could have been in treatment for well over a year now. Each time I see her, she's gone noticeably down hill. It's so painful.

On the upside, I'll get to see my Texas friends and attend a New Year's Eve party with one of my buds. I get to stay with my niece/best friend, and I can't wait to spend some time with her! I was hoping to get my hair cut while there, but my hairdresser in TX is booked up and I'm broke. So, I'll just have to struggle along with this sorry little mop for a little while longer.

Speaking of broke, I have a small moral dilemma. I am now the proud (or not so proud) owner of a Coach purse and an iPhone. I received both as prizes - it's strange, I happen to win things often. We looked into returning the purse, but they would only give store credit. I needed the phone, so we didn't try to return it. Besides the fact that I won it at the company picnic, so people would have asked questions. The dilemma is this: we are broke. As in, I'd like to buy a dozen eggs, but I just don't have the dough. Like, Doug and I didn't get gifts for each other - not even stocking stuffers - broke. So it feels really weird to be carrying around these luxury items. I have no illusions about them being luxuries, and they aren't things I would have ever bought for myself. Ever. I didn't even know about Coach before this sales contest came up. It just feels weird. Once again, I ponder "what is God up to?" Once again, He offers no clue. It's this deal we have. Any ideas out there? Is anyone still out there reading? I suppose not, but that's the consequence of not writing for months at a time.

If anyone is reading, I hope you had a blessed Christmas. My kids really stepped up to the responsibility plate and didn't complain about the dearth of gifts this year. I'm proud of them. Now I must start the pre-Mother-in-law cleaning process. Happy New Year!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Christmas Miracle!

Obviously that intention to post more often "gang aft agley." However, I did survive the semester - two "A"s thankyouverymuch! I don't think I'll try two evening classes again. The whole semester was junk food 3 meals a day. Bleah.

We had some stresses throughout this time. My grandmother-in-law passed away just 3 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer, my mother-in-law had a heart attack scare, and my husband developed a mysterious G.I. bleed and bowel ischemia that resolved itself with no explanation. Oh there were lots of tests, lots of bills, and a 5 day stay in our local hospital. But no explanation. My 16 yr. old son is experiencing a great deal of teenage angst - camp friend killed in a car accident 2 days before Thanksgiving, first love broke up with him by text right after that, and a good friend just moved to Switzerland. I wouldn't be 16 again for love ner money!

We camped again at Thanksgiving, which went pretty well. It was a nice campground with only one other camper there the whole time. The weather was just cold enough and the food was great. I miss my camping buddies, though. It's just not the same without them.

Once again, Christmas will be lean. I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip about the whole thing - tell myself it's o.k. to wait till Jan.15th for my husband's quarterly bonus to come in - but a big part of me is not buying it. You'd think I'd be good at this "wait upon the Lord" thing by now. Not so much.

So, while I know this post has all the rousing Christmas spirit of the first half of "A Christmas Carol," the miracle is - I did post. I'm still believing for something to come through before Thursday. "Hope springs eternal" and all that. Remember us in your prayers - if anyone is still out there. I've enjoyed reading your blogs this semester - they've kept me going through this difficult time. Thanks!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Is anyone still out there? Waiting ever-so-patiently for me to post? I realize I’ve been M.I.A. for quite some time. I will say I’ve been honing my lurking skills to a fine edge. Since I started the new job in April, life’s been a whirlwind.

Training is always a challenge, and I moved from a nearly silent office to an almost deafening cubicle. Printers, faxes, phones, copiers, people – I felt like the Grinch beleaguered by the Christmas celebrations of the Whos down in Whoville. Now don’t get me wrong – I love me some people. On the Myers-Briggs, I rank as high on the extrovert scale as it goes. It just took some desensitizing. On the plus side, WAY better boss! Wow, what a difference that makes! I’m so glad God finally opened the door. I love interacting with the students. And I get to see my daughters nearly every day. Double And, I have an office again, as of about a month ago. I would have posted sooner, but I barely survived registration.

I do have to tell you, my boss went on vacation for two weeks during the summer and I just had to give him a welcome back surprise. So just before he got back, I came in to work on a Saturday and, with the help of my husband and son, completely bubble-wrapped his office. Everything. Including his pens and dirty coffee mug. It was a hit. I, of course, denied all knowledge.

We had a back-to-school party last week, thrown by my daughter Roxanne. We had about 30 college students for lasagna, salad, bread, and sopapilla cheesecake. Also, Olympics-watching, Apples to Apples and Cranium competition. There were no survivors. So much fun!

One more thing, I started my second Masters program last week. Because of all the spare time I have. I shall endeavor to post regularly, but I’m making no promises. Thanks for checking back in!

Monday, May 26, 2008

It's Meme Time!

This meme comes from Redneck Diva, a blogger I truly enjoy!

Favorite person (outside family): I guess I’d have to say my friend Lori. She has this great, dry sense of humor that always cracks me up, and a true joy in serving the ones she loves. Thankfully, I’m one of those!

Favorite food: Rib eye steak. Hands down.

Quirks about you: How much time do we have? I love to pick. Paint, crepe myrtle tree bark, peeling sunburns, zits - I have a problem. Also, I have lots of texture issues with foods. Makes it difficult to eat at someone’s house.

How would the person who loves you most describe you in ten words or less? Voluptuous, woman, funny, dark, sweet, Jeopardy!, companion, counselor, encourager, nurturing, love-struck!

Any regrets in life? Plenty. And I’d definitely change them. Mostly it involves others I’ve hurt. That’s my greatest regret. And then, of course, self-destructive behaviors over the years.

Favorite Charity/Cause: Mercy House. It’s a ministry to pregnant women who have no place else to go. My sister-in-law founded it, and has incredibly impacted the lives of so many young women.

Something you cannot get enough of? Cilantro, free time, husband love.

Worst job you have ever had? My last one. It was in an environment of distrust and fear. No respect for boundaries. Besides the fact that I was alone in an office all day. I NEED people.

What job would you pay NOT to have? Daycare, no two ways about it!

Guilty Pleasure: Prince, Janet Jackson, Bellinis

Got any confessions? You can’t handle the truth!

If you HAD to spend $1,000 on YOURSELF, how would you spend it? Funny, “had” is in caps, as if that would be difficult. More kitchen stuff, shoes, clothes, I don’t suppose furniture counts as for myself, but if it did, new couches. NO, WAIT - a day of beauty! Massage, facial, mani, pedi, the works.

Favorite thing about your house? Location, location, location. We’re at last in a beautiful, non-ghetto neighborhood

Least favorite thing about your house? The painful rock floor in our entry. The rocks are large and uneven – a dangerous way to introduce others to our home.

One thing you are good at? Only one? Making people laugh.

If you could change something about your circumstances, what? Money, money, money

Who would you like to meet someday? Redneck Diva, Boo Mama, Big Mama, Shannon, Barb, Judith, Diane, Pioneer Woman, Barbra Streisand, Brian Duncan, C.S. Lewis (yes, I know he’s dead!), Harry Connick, Jr., Denzel Washington, Cher, Dolly Parton

What makes you feel sexy? Being thin, so obviously I haven’t felt sexy in a long, LONG time.

Who is your real life hero? Henry Cloud and John Townsend – authors of the “Boundaries” series. They truly changed the course of my life.

What is the hardest part of your job? I suppose the noise level in my area. I have a cubicle, and the sounds of the three printers, seal press, my boss’ very loud voice, everyone’s phones ringing, and other random conversations can be overwhelming sometimes.

When are you most relaxed? Sadly, when I’m watching t.v. I know, that’s very…um…lowbrow I suppose. I’m happiest when I’m performing, but I wouldn’t say relaxed.

What stresses you out? Being late for something, my son’s grades, mess, being broke most of all.

What can you not live without? God and Diet Coke

Do you agree or disagree with the recent article that reported that blogs are authored by narcissists? Well, if I was a narcissist, I wouldn’t care about anyone else’s feelings apart from their worship of me. Being a counselor pretty much negates that idea.

Why do you blog? I honestly don’t know. Which is probably why I’m not very consistent with it. I still hold back on my deepest thoughts and feelings, because I’m afraid people will think I’m too weird. And obviously, it’s important that everyone like me. (dang! There’s that narcissism thing again!)

I’m tagging Barb at A Chelsea Morning, Sarah at In the Midst of It, Diane at Diane’s Place, Boo Mama, Big Mama, Shannon at Rocks In My Dryer, Pioneer Woman, and Roxanne at Too Much Saga, Too Little Sleep. Plus anyone else who’d like to do it.

If you do the meme, leave a comment or email letting me know so I can go check it out. Here are the rules if you're interested:

1. Answer the questions
2. Link back to whoever tagged you
3. Tag eight bloggers to do the same, 2 from each category:
a. New/newer bloggers
b. Bloggy friends
c. Bloggers you would like to get to know better
d. Bloggers you don’t think will respond, but you hope will.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Greetings from Beyond - And A Plea for Help


I've been away for a while, huh? Sorry to abandon you, but it's been pretty crazy around here. I GOT THE JOB! Yes, that's where I've been. It's a very busy position, which I love, but it doesn't allow for any down time in which to blog. By the time I get home, I'm just exhausted. Hopefully my energy will catch up and the learning curve will slow down a little soon. I'm the new Transfer Evaluation Coordinator/Academic Counselor for Oral Roberts University. I can now exhale. I feel so much better already! I really have been meaning to post, but I wanted to do something special, so I kept putting it off. However...the time for procrastination is done because I have an earnest appeal for you.

My daughter Roxanne of is trying to raise money for a mission trip to Africa this summer. Here's the kicker: she still needs $1900 by Friday to pay for her airline tickets. If you feel led, please contribute what you can, and link me on your site. She fully believes God has called her to go - she just doesn't have rich parents! You can contact me in comments for the number to call to donate by credit or debit card at Victory Christian Center (mission video link) in Tulsa, Oklahoma. All donations are tax deductible.

I promise to do something flashy very soon! THANKS!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Now Is the Winter of Our Discontent...

I'm seriously behind on posting, though I've actually been composing. So if the next few posts seem a bit bi-polar, know that they have occured over the last month or so.

Anger, frustration, fear, worry, impatience. These are my constant companions as I wait to see just what in tarnation God has in mind for our deliverance. The way this is playing out can’t possibly be His highest and best - the purpose for which we uprooted the entire family and moved to Tulsa. Truly, there has to be more than this.

I mean, Doug has his dream job (apart from, of course, photography and billionaire) and is doing well in sales. But the quarterly bonus/commission checks only come, well you know, quarterly. So, we slowly (even glacially) dig our way out of the poor house. Though it takes so long, the urge to break up the discipline with a little shopping is nearly irresistible.

In the meantime, I lose more and more of my check to higher insurance costs and “tuition as taxable income” withholding. I swear they’re going to start charging my account instead of direct depositing every two weeks. Multiple times per day, I check the job postings for something new and more appropriate. I begin and end every day asking God to open up a new opportunity for me on the school side. All the while, hearing more rumblings of what will not be provided once the separation of ministry and school is complete.

I remind myself to “lay it down,” don’t worry, just trust and obey. Still, I want to scream out, “Hey, did you forget about us?” Every morning I drag myself out of bed and get ready for another day of monotony and pointlessness. I shaved my legs for this?

I think about Joseph languishing in Potiphar’s prison for a crime he didn’t commit. But I know I have been ultimately sinful and faulty, not innocent, and the life I’m living in no way compares to an ancient Egyptian prison. I feel small, petty, ungrateful. I despise the sound of my own whiny voice. It’s just that I’m so bored, and tired, and broke every day. Not fulfilling my dreams or calling, not using effectively the gifts He’s given me. Terrified that this is as good as it gets, and knowing that I’ll never be satisfied with that. Hearing the taunts and accusations of the enemy. Wondering why this or that seemingly perfect job fell through. Why did He give me these dreams and ambitions if I’m never to realize them? Why have You made me thus?

I want to tear my hair out every time some well-meaning acquaintance quips, “God’s got something better for you.” Thank you very much, Little Mary Sunshine. What if He doesn’t? Do I continue to parrot Christian-ese platitudes and “fake it till you feel it?” Isn’t that just deceit? Or is that what the enemy wants me to think so I fall deeper into sin? I don’t know what to do, or stop doing, say or stop saying, feel or stop feeling to get me to the other side of this.

Ultimately, I hear His voice asking, “Do you trust Me or don’t you?” It’s a recurring theme, like a bad penny that keeps turning up. It must have something to do with my iniquity. He asks me if I trust Him to be at work when I can’t see progress. He asks if I trust His ways to be higher than my ways, His thoughts higher than my thoughts, His Timex to be better than my Timex. I stick my bottom lip out, stomp my foot, and grunt. I turn my back and rebuff His gentle invitation to come and play…come and rest…crawl into His lap and pour out my heart to Him.

My heart joins with Peter who, when asked if he would leave the Lord, replied, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” There’s almost a desperation in the Peter’s statement. I feel it…I know it. But like any hurting four-year-old, I can’t hold out against His irresistible love. For no one else can comfort the disappointment I feel.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


I have an interview today! YAY! I pray that the Lord would give me favor, and that He would be clear about whether this is the right job for me. I would appreciate your prayers, bloggy friends. I don’t want to miss His will because of my wants.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008


I'm so excited! Bev has questions for me!

I'd truly love to know if your sense of humor runs in your family. You're so witty, really. And what type of humor does your husband have? It seems generally opposites end up together, so is he very quiet and serene, or do you both just crack each other up? You crack me up!

I have a very dry sense of humor that comes straight from my father and brother. I believe it developed because I was born much later than my siblings, so I was always trying to fit in with the older group. I practically cut my teeth on Pat Paulsen, David Steinberg, Firesign Theater, and George Carlin. (wow, does that sound old!) I also love to make people As a kid, I must have been hilarious, because I was always saying, "Stop laughing at me!"

On the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator I score 100% extrovert. My husband is much more introverted, but is in sales as a profession. He does crack me up, and he thinks I'm pretty funny. His favorite comedy is House, so you can tell he appreciates dry humor as well.

Can I ask two - (I asked my sister 4!) why did you choose your profession? Did you see yourself leaning that way or was it family dynamics, etc. Okay - I'll stop! xoxo

I consider my "profession" to be counseling, though I'd rather it was singing. But you have to get paid for it to be a profession, right? I don't think the occasional wedding and funeral count. BTW, as soon as I can find the recording I'll post the song that made it all the way to Iraq (scroll down). Anyhoo, even as a child I was always bringing home "strays" - hurting people. I couldn't help myself. It was as if I had this neon sign over my head that said, "Tell me, I'm safe." Eventually I decided I might as well train and get paid for something I was doing all the time. Here's God sense of humor. I'm stuck in an office all alone, all day long, working as a writer. Except I don't get to do much writing. So the overall whining and complaining of my life at this point is entirely due to being shut off from people. Please keep praying for a new job for me!

Keep those questions coming, folks.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Change is good

You'll notice some changes, thanks to Diane, my techie friend. We're by no means finished and I can't figure out how to make the picture of Joe smaller now that it's on there. I'm also having some photos done soon, that will hopefully make me look at lot more like, oh, Hallie Barry. I'll be adding one of those, too.

If the color is too intense, let me know. I don't want to discourage anyone from reading.

The house is mostly clean for the party tomorrow, and I have taken a picture of my comforter to display. However, it's not on the computer yet. You'll just have to wait a little longer. I promise it'll be worth it. We're expecting about 25 college kids for the game and I think I'll start taking Aleve now.

I've also got to find a way to show off my husband's photography. Hmm, so much to do, so little attention span.


Thursday, January 31, 2008

Random thoughts

It's SNOWING! YAY! Yes, I am, and forever will be, a child when it comes to snow. I love it. I even love ice. It's the best evah! Sadly, it will all be gone tomorrow. :(

I took off early from work to come home and get my last comments in on the bloggy giveaway carnival over at Rocks in My Dryer http:// . Well, not just because of that. I swear, by the next giveaway I'll know how to post a button and pictures so that I can play, too.

We finally got Direct TV! YAY again! This means we can actually WATCH the game AT our Superbowl party. See, without satellite or cable, we could only get one channel clearly, even with an antenna. And it was not FOX. So I think it will be a better Superbowl party overall.

I'm still waiting for a job to open up at the university, so those of you praying, keep it up. No new leads as of yet. I HATE waiting! Really. A LOT!

I'm off to take a little nappy nap.

Monday, January 21, 2008

everything you ever wanted to know about me, but were afraid to ask

O.K., so I received A question. Just as I suspected. I've already told more than anyone wanted to know. It's fine - I'm not bitter. Really. I always look like this. Really.

But, I will answer the question posed to me by "Okey dokey: If your house was on fire and you could save only one thing, the thing dearest to your heart, what would it be? Other than your pets and loved ones, of course. That's a given."

I thought long and hard on this one and discarded the usual suspects: photos, my Bible (which is on my PDA that I would have on me anyway), family heirlooms (we don't really have any). And what I finally came up with was my comforter. You don't understand. This is a ten-year comforter. See, my husband doesn't leave the decorating decisions up to me. He also only wants to buy something like a comforter once in his lifetime, so he must GET IT RIGHT! Over ten years ago, literally, we began looking for material. Since we had less than zero dollars at the time, it was moot really when we found the perfect fabric for the top of our comforter cover. We waited nearly three years for the material to go on clearance, and nearly missed it entirely as it was being discontinued. We bought the whole bolt, put it in the closet, and began looking for the fabric for the underside. And the trim.

I got all rebellious and bought a white down comforter for the inside off of ebay. WITHOUT EVEN CONSULTING HIM! Amazingly, we are still together. During all this time, the debate on whether I would make the cover (a professional seamstress for 10 years), or whether we would have someone else do it, because I might mess it up, waged on. Two years passed before we found the underside material. Then another year before we found the perfect cording.

Then, I moved to Oklahoma for 5 months alone while he tried to find a job here. No time (or room) for sewing during our time in the ghetto. If you'll remember, I call it that, not because of racial issues, but the fact that we were robbed THREE TIMES while we were there. We were eventually reunited and then moved out of the ghetto. Getting settled once again, I finally made the comforter cover. We have just now decided on the appropriate closure for it, so it should be complete in the next month.

To my husband's credit, he has AMAZING taste. The comforter is perfect. The top is a tapestry-like material in a forest green and moss green general swirly kind of thing, with dusty rose and deep red colored cabbage roses with individual threads of gold, here and there. Really hard to explain. The underside is a deep red iridescent fabric, stitched in a diamond pattern. The cording is the same deep red, with a burgundy twist. I'll try to figure out how to post a picture. When you see it, I think you'll be impressed.

So really, I just couldn't face going through that process again. I have actually had a fire in my home back in Texas. I grabbed my purse, the bridesmaids dresses I was working on, and the TV REMOTE! When I realized that I didn't have the TV to go with it. I took it back inside. My husband took all the computer stuff, put it on our bed, and covered it with a blanket. Apparently, we were both ENTIRELY COHERENT at 3 am when our duplex was in flames.

Perhaps it is a good thing to think about this question and plan for the worst. If anyone else has a question, I'll be happy to answer it. I'll just be here. Waiting.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Because I'm all original like that

In the interests of a) fulfilling my only New Year's Resolution - to blog more often b) complete disclosure and c) risking no questions WHATSOEVER...

I'm jumping on the "Ask me anything" bandwagon today. Now, I can't imagine that anyone might have had questions up to this point that they may have held back. And I am unabashedly open in person. TMI, anyone? But if, perchance, you might want to know my favorite curry, or my first...whatever...ask away. I will be pleased as punch to answer any question pertaining to me. I'll be more circumspect about family member questions. I'd actually like to receive birthday presents.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

What was your name again?

Long time, no type, eh friends? The holidays were such a blur. See, I’m generally a last minute kind of girl anyway. But when ICE STORM 2007 knocked out our power for four days (and others for much, much longer), the world came to a screeching halt. Not only could I not get anything accomplished that week, all the regular things I needed to do got pushed to the next week. So, in short (ha!) I did ALL of my Christmas shopping on Dec. 23rd and 24th. Needless to say, the Christmas letters didn’t get mailed.

In the aftermath of ICE STORM 2007, the scramble to get all the paperwork together to enroll and provide financial aid for my older daughter to attend ORU sucked all my remaining vacation time right out of the house. “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley.” Name that quote! At any rate, both girls are now attending class. An absolute miracle of the “happy dance” variety!

Now, Tulsa has faced many ice storms in the past, but ICE STORM 2007 was altogether odd. I don’t know if it was the culmination of the extended drought of the last two years, followed by the amazing rain of this past Spring/Summer, then the mild temperatures up to the point of ICE STORM 2007, or if terrorists were to blame, but not even Jack Bauer could stop the AMAZING TREE BREAKAGE across our state. It is truly amazing. The dump sites are all full and there is still a phenomenal amount of tree trimming and hauling to be done. Yippee. Welcome to Tulsa.

Good news – I had been weighing my options on attending Wednesday night church regularly because of the expense of gas and eating on the road (if you’ll remember we live an hour away from our church). I rearranged my Wednesday obligations and figured we could get a motel room on the weekends that I lead worship, do practice and counseling appts. on Saturdays, for less than I was spending to drive out on Wednesdays. That meant no getting up super early on my worship team Sundays. YAY! I hadn’t talked to the pastor yet about it ‘cuz…well…refer to previous paragraphs. There have actually been a few times when I absolutely did not have gas or money to go. That’s just not good. ANYWAY, I got a call this week that the council had voted to cover my gas and Wednesday meals! AMAZING! What a blessing! I really love these people, and I would move to the country in a heartbeat if I didn’t have to work here to put my kids in college. Maybe God will open up a door there, as well. I’ve been praying, but no breakthrough yet.

So far my only New Year’s Resolution is to post more often. We all see how well that’s going. I’ve been faithfully lurking (is that an oxymoron?), but I’ll try to comment more often, too. I still don’t know ANYTHING about making my blog look nice, post buttons, pictures, or anything else. Despite the continued filling out of blog design contest entries, I’ve not yet had the blessing of professional help. Well, not that kind anyway. So, if anyone out there might find it in her heart to make a seed faith gift of blog design, I’m most certain the Lord would bless and multiply that seed in mysterious ways.

O.K. I’m done rambling. Blame it on the four day migraine. I love you!